Jubilee Sov'rin

Jubilee Sov'rin - Stanley Holloway

On Jubilee Day the ramsbottoms

Asked all their relations to tea

Including young Albert's grandmother

An awkward old party were she

She'd seen queen Victoria's jub lee

And her wedding to Albert the good

But got quite upset when young Albert

Asked how she'd got on in the flood

She cast quite a damper on party

But cheered up a bit after tea

And gave Albert a real golden sovrin

She'd saved since the last Jubilee

It had picture of queen on the one side

And a dragon fight on the reverse

And tasted of camphor and cobwebs

Through being so long in her purse

Albert cuddled the coin and he kissed it

And felt the rough edge with his tongue

For he knew by the look of his father

It wouldn't be his very longer

Shall I get your money box alber

Said mother so coaxing and sweet

But Albert let drop an expression

He must have picked up in the street

I'll show you a trick with that sovrin

Said Pa who were hovering near

Then he took and pretended to eat it

Then brought it back out of his ear

This magic filled Albert with wonder

And before you could say uncle Dick

He'd got the coin back from his father

And performed the first part of the trick

When they saw as he'd swallered his suffering

With excitement his relatives burned

And each one suggested some process

For getting the money returned

Some were for fishing with tweezers

Well some were for shaking it out

If they only got back a few shillings

They said would be better of the nowt

They tried holding Albert head downwards

And giving his back a good thump

Realse uncle who worked for a chemist

Said there's not for it but stummick pump

They hadn't a stummick Pump Andy

But Pa did the best that he could

With a bicycle pump as he'd borrowed

But that weren't a haporth of good

At the last they to came to the doctor

Who looked down his throat through a glass

And said this'll mean operation

He afraid out to laugh to have gas

How much is this were going to cost us

Said father beginning to squirm

Said the doctor it comes quite expensive

The best gas is it eightpence a therm

There's my time four shillings an hour

You can't do these things in two ticks

By rights I should charge you a guinea

But I'll do it for eighteen and six

What eighteen and six to get sovrin said father

That doesn't sound sense

I'll tell you what you'd best keep

Albert and give me the odd eighteen pence

The doctor concurred this arrangement

But to this day is stands in some doubt

As to whether he's in eighteen shillings

Or whether he's eighteen pence out