The Amazing Fantastical History Of Mr. Willy Wonka

The Amazing Fantastical History Of Mr. Willy Wonka - The Original London Cast Recording/Nigel Planer/Roni Page

Written by：Marc Shaima/Scott Wittm

Ten minutes till dinner

Just enough time to hear the story of Willy Wonka

Didn't we tell you the story of Willy Wonka last night

No

Or have a distinct recollection of telling you the story

Of Willy Wonka just last night

And the night before that

I don't mean to be rude Grandpa Joe

But you are getting a bit old

And well maybe a bit forgetful

Have we really never ever told the boy about him

Not once

Well for his entire life the tot

Has not once told a lie

I told you so

But can we answer all his queries

Can we cover all the theories

All the beds are staged so dearies

Let us try

What a clever man he is this Mr Wonka

There's so many tales to tell

All about the tasty sweets that made the people

Gather round for just one smell

Children gnaw

While in their rompers

Chocolate eggs between their chompers

Till a tiny bird was perched upon their tongue

Yes Mr Willy Wonka

Has a sex appeal what makes me feel young

There I said it

Little minx

From all around the world they'd call on Mr Wonka

Kings and queens and presidents

Even down in Rome the pope left home and in

The factory took up residence

Dalai Llamas and their mamas has such episodes and dramas

Even Ghandi got himself into a brawl

For Mr Willy Wonka

We all sing for he's the king of them all

There was sugar balloons

And macaroons

For feathery sweets

And marshmallow treats

Transforming wheezing geezers to a child

And let me say that Mr Willy Wonka whips

A swirl what makes a girl go wild

Well he does

Tell the one about the Indian Prince

The one about Prince Pondicherry

Oh you like a scary ones don't you Charlie

Willy Wonka went to India near the Kingdom of Madras

Where he met Prince Pondicherry who was rich

But awfully crass

He had wed a Maharini

Who craved chocolate for each meal

So he called up Willy Wonka and he said

Let's make a deal I will pay a million rupees

For a house to please her belly

We will be the talk of Punjab

And the toast of all New Delhi

I will gladly build this fortress

Wonka said but just one thing

It will be nice for the winter

But it won't last past the spring

For the sun will make a river

Of this chocolate Taj Mahal

And you'll end up in hot chocolate

With your chocolate femme fatale

The prince he wouldn't listen

Use a bonbon for the dome I won't rest until

My missus eats me out of house and home

And so Wonka built a showplace

But when summer came around

All the walls began to melt

Till every ceiling hit the ground

But the prince and princess perished

Drowning in the chocolate flow

Yes they died 'cause they were greedy

Ahhh but what a way to go

Oh but Charlie then the spies came

Ficklegruber

Prodnose

And Slugworth

Stealing every new invention as soon as it appeared

Wonka closed down the factory

And no chocolate was made for a very long time

And then one night the lights came back on again

And strange shadows appeared at the windows

Yes the factory was up and running again

But how

Nobody's ever gone in and nobody's ever come out

And that is one of the great mysteries of the

Chocolate making world

Yes the smoke returned to the chimneys

But the gates stayed locked and chained

And strange shadows

Ghostly shadows

Appeared at the window unexplained

Yes out went Ficklegruber Prodnose Slugworth

No one went in which was quite bizarre

But the factory churned

And the sweets returned

If we could only afford one bar

So Charlie now you're up to date on Willy Wonka

Now you know what he's about

Though it's a crying shame

That no one's going in

At least the chocolates still come out

Now once again each brother's daughter

Feels her mouth begin to water

In Brazil they gave up coffee for a taste of Wonka toffee

Now each nose what sense olfactory

Thinks the factory's satisnacktory

For a single whiff I might commit a crime

Yes Mr Willy Wonka's

Like I said

A man ahead of his time

I've still got it

I've slipped a disc

I think I need a pee

I think I just had one