Happy to Be Here

Happy to Be Here - Julien Baker

Written by：Julien Baker

If I could do what I want I would become an electrician

I'd climb inside my ears and I would rearrange the wires in my brain

'A different me would be inhabiting this body

I'd have two cars a garage a job

And I would go to church on Sunday

A diagram of faulty circuitry explains how I was made

Now the engineer is listening as I voice all my complaints

From an orchestra of shaking metal keeping me awake

I was just wondering if there's any way that you made a mistake

I miss you the way that I miss nicotine

If it makes me feel better how bad could it be

I heard there's a fix for everything

Then why

Then why

Then why

Then why not me

The first of April saw the sickening repair

Wore my best shirt to the clinic

Decorated with a laminate name

No one is laughing from an audience of folding plastic chairs

And I'm not fooled when you tell me that you're glad I came

Am I honest to admit or just a hypocrite

I know I should be being optimistic

But I'm doubtful I can change

Grit my teeth and try hard to act deserving

When I know that there is nowhere I can hide from your humiliating grace

If you swear that its true then I have to believe what

I hear evangelicals say on TV

And if there's enough left after everyone else

Then why

Then why

Then why

Then why not me