Ring Down the Curtain

Ring Down the Curtain - Gracie Fields

Oh dear dear dear dear

Oh mister stage manager please

I can't sing tonight

You can't sing tonight

No I'm terribly sorry

I can't sing tonight

You must sing tonight

Your public's waiting

Oh blow the public It's impossible

I can't sing I can't explain I'm sorry

Go out an' knock 'em cold baby

The show must go on

Oh dear Oh dear I can't

"Ring down the curtain I can't sing tonight

Their money back you'll have to pay

Ring down the curtain I can't sing tonight

This take me false teeth away "

The theatre was packed from the pit to the stalls

The show was about to begin

The baritone villain stood there in the wings

On his face was a dastardly grin

The tenor had just finished padding his chest

And was gracefully waving his hair

The overture started

The curtain went up

When the heroine cried in despair:

"Oh ring down the curtain

I can't sing tonight

Oh dash it I wish I was dead

I can't sing tonight with me tonsils in sight

I haven't a tooth in me head "

The manager said that the show must go on

He was in a terrible rage

The baritone gave the soprano a push

That shot her headfirst on the stage

"You can't " cried the tenor

"Strike one your own size "

Then leaped on the stage amid cheers

He said "What's the do "

Because that was his cue

And the heroine cried through her tears:

"Oh ring down the curtain

I can't sing tonight "

She stood there and twiddled her thumbs

The villain said "Gnash me "

She said "No I can't

I can't gnash with only me gums "

The heroine swooned on a velvet settee

But jumped up again with an "Ouch "

Which rapidly turned to a cry of delight

For there were her teeth on the couch

The lovers embraced as she slipped in her teeth

She turned with a smile on her face

She opened her throat and let out a note

That smashed ev'ry glass in the place

"Ring down the curtain

You can't sing tonight

Or else you'll be put on the spot

Some voices we've heard were a pain in the neck

But yours is the worst of the lot "

"Oh ring up the curtain

I will sing tonight

In spite of your laughter and jeers

If you're so upset by my beautiful voice

Then put cotton wool in your ears "

"You can't sing tonight "