Even

Even (甚至) - Julien Baker

Written by：Julien Baker

When is it too many times to tell you

That I think of you every night

I don't want to make it hard on you

So I could be cruel

I could make you hate me would that make it easy

Did you think I forgot the fireworks

The black eye trading blows on the fourth of July

But you were right

I was asking for it

I always am its no good

If the pain doesn't make you feel like you earned it

And I probably deserved it

All you ever say is what's the point

Is anybody there to help me now

It's not that I think I'm good

I know that I'm evil

I guess I was trying to even it out

Isn't that what you want for me to be miserable like you

Well brother you're about to get your wish

Putting my fist through the plaster in the bathroom of a Motel 6

I must have pictured it all a thousand times

I swear to God I think I'm gonna die

I know you were right I can't be fixed so help me

All you ever say is what's the point

Is anybody there to help me now

It's not that I think I'm good I know that I'm evil

I guess I was trying to even it out