Last Letter (Explicit)

I miss, I mi—, I miss you

Eh, **** it!

This might be the hardest song I've ever had to write

Yeah, I dreamt about you last night

I only see you when I close my eyes tight

Yeah, I wish I told you how I felt before you left

But it just never felt right

Yeah, *crying*

I wish I told you everything before you left

I won't forget the day that they found the growth in your chest

The cancer took ahold of your body and then it spread

I talk to you more now than I ever did—I'm a mess

This song will never capture the pain that I could express

I learned from you that nothing is perfect, but try your best

I know you had your demons that younger me didn't get

And out of all our demons, our biggest might be regret

Relate more than ever, remember back when I would only see you every other week

And every other Wednesday, you would take us out to eat

Mom and you had split, so we're living in between

Looking up the word "divorced" to understand what it could mean

But I don't understand, Mom is with another man

You been drinking heavier, to me it was just another can

Culture full of broken homes, we were just another fam

Coulda left like other dads, you, you had another plan

So you stuck around, dealt a life that you probably would never choose

You bottled it inside and that bottle turned into booze

The Jäger took ahold and your body took the abuse

But finally found sobriety, cried when I got the news

I know, been hurting more than I show

Inspired by your story, couple things you should know

I met this girl at my show, teared up by what I was told

She said, "I'm sober 'cause of you, you do way more than you know"

And I said—

And I said, "Ohh, please grant me the serenity

To accept everything I cannot change"

You, you always told me that

Do anything to have you back; see you one day

I, I wonder if you see me when I fall, yeah

I wonder if you hear me now at all

Maybe if the world played this through speakers

I'd be loud enough to reach you, and you'll hear

My last letter for you

And I don't understand how you would stay so optimistic

You started chemo, fought the battle, never quit

That really left an imprint

And we would talk about our lives and after this

How we would live 'em different

See, Mom and you would put your differences aside

Every day she would visit, see the love and your vision

See the hurt in your smile, your wisdom is what I'm missing the most

I'll never be ready to let you go

I never felt so helpless, it's outta both our control

You told me how you wanted to travel, next year you'll go

And your body had become fragile, not once did you lose your soul

We were told, it was progressing and you had less than a week

True love is every tear when we told you we had to leave

And how we would converse it, not once did we need to speak

That one day in late October you passed away in your sleep

I been cryin' when I think about it

I miss your smile, miss your laugh, and now I live without it

I told you music was my passion, and you never doubt it

And people tell me they relate, but now I truly doubt it

Remember cryin' on your grave and yellin' up to you, "How did I lose my way?"

I won't forget that summer was some of my darkest days

Was asking for a sign, sat in my tears and prayed

When I saw that sign you sent me, that day was forever changed

I know, I know, I should've been a better me

Oh, blame me when we argue, I said things I didn't mean

Me and you are who our issues should have always been between

So I'm sorry for the lack of communication from me

I just wish that you were here, so you could watch me win a Grammy

But more importantly to build a family

I hope I make you proud and become everything I can be

I hope they play it loud and send this letter where I can't reach

Sincerely, Mark

And I said, "Ohh, please grant me the serenity

To accept everything I cannot change"

You, you always told me that

Do anything to have you back; see you one day

I, I wonder if you see me when I fall, yeah

I wonder if you hear me now at all

Maybe if the world played this through speakers

I'd be loud enough to reach you, and you'll hear

My last letter for you