SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (NO ONE'S HOME) (Explicit)

SUICIDAL THOUGHTS (NO ONE'S HOME) (Explicit) - Ryan Oakes

Lyrics by：Ryan Oakes/Jayden Seeley

Composed by：Ryan Oakes/Jayden Seeley

Oh it's quiet in the evening

Dust on the ceiling

Knock on the door but no one's home

Feel myself slipping

And I hop in the whip

Thinking a night drive will settle me

And I'll get a grip

I put my foot down on the gas

And now I'm starting to drift

And I can feel my heart beating deep

Inside of my ribs

Going over all scenarios

And all the what-if's

I think that it's about time

I try to give 'em they wish

I'm thinking 'bout a way to end it

So it's painless and quick

And go from someone they know

Into somebody they'll miss

I could hit a brick wall

Like all the ones that I built

Around myself or maybe swallow down

A bottle of pills

But maybe not

'Cause I can't even learn to swallow the guilt

Or tell my therapist the way

I ******* actually feel

Homie ****'s getting real

'Cause I'm sick of the pain

Got the drive inside of me

From never catching a break

It's an infection I can feel it

Spreading out in my veins

And the only to beat it is accepting my fate

Oh it's quiet in the evening

Dust on the ceiling

I wrote a note to all I've known

Was never the right time

I said my goodbyes

Knock on the door but no one's home

I'm exhausted from circling inside of my head

I'm feeling nauseous struggling

With catching my breath

100-pound weight buried deep inside of my chest

I'm going round eight

Waking up and covered in sweat

With nothing left to give

And nothing left to lose

I'm thinking this is it

It's time to make my move

I rip out every stitch

Open up all my wounds

To feed the emptiness

I got a date with fumes

I'm filling my garage with carbon monoxide

While I'm on the phone with the suicide hotline

Telling 'em my life sucks

I'm ready to swap sides

And when I'm gone time

Will keep on moving clockwise

Nah

I'ma end this with the way it started

The Hollywood way

They can milk and market

A knife from my back to my wrist and carve it

And finally give myself a red carpet

Damn

Oh it's quiet in the evening

Dust on the ceiling

I wrote a note to all I've known

Was never the right time

I said my goodbyes

Knock on the door but no one's home

Tap on the window

I thought that the reaper

Was tucking me into my bed

It was a cop and the way

That he found me

He thought he was pulling out somebody dead

Calling me lucky and telling me

Somebody's coming to put me together again

Suddenly something was changing

I'm feeling like I can see

Life through a different lens

Now it's all hitting me

What was I thinking

Thought I didn't wanna survive

Hard to believe a coincidence didn't just happen

And all of this wasn't a sign

But in that time is

When I noticed that I felt alive

I had to cheat death to realize

I didn't wanna die