Shticks of One and a Half Dozen of the Other

Shticks Of One And A Half Dozen Of The Other - Allan Sherman

She wheels her wheelbarrow

Through streets that are narrow

Her barrow is narrow her hips are too wide

So wherever she wheels it

The neighborhood feels it

Her girdle keeps scraping the homes on each side

In Dublin's fair city

Where girls are so pretty

My Molly stands out 'cause she weighs 18 stone

(That's 256 pounds )

I don't mind her fat but

It's not only that but

She's cockeyed and muscle-bound Molly Malone

I know a man his name is Lang

And he has a neon sign

And Mister Lang is very old

So they call it Old Lang's Sign

Oh what have you done Billy Sol Billy Sol

Oh what have you done charming Billy

You took almost every cent

From the you S Government

Which you spent on fertilizer which is silly

All day all night Cary Grant

That's all I hear from my wife is Cary Grant

What can he do that I can't

Big deal big star Cary Grant

Oh the moon is bright tonight upon the car wash

So I'm having my Volkswagen washed again

But the way things go with me the way my luck is

Just as soon as they're finished it will rain

On top of Old Smoky

All covered with hair

Of course I'm referring

To Smoky The Bear

Every time you take vaccine

Take it orally

As you know the other way

Is more painfully

My grandfather's clock was the best ever made

By the Timex company

Just like the clock John Cameron Swayze displayed

Last night on the old tv

Oh it works under water so perfectly

And still makes a ticking sound

Which my grandfather tried only this afternoon

And that's how the old man drowned

Do not make a stingy sandwich

Pile the cold cuts high

Customers should see salami

Coming through the rye

Oh I diet all day and I diet all night

It's enough to drive me bats

Got no gravy or potatoes

'Cause the whole refrigerator's

Fulla polyunsaturated fats

Fare thee well Metrecal

And the others of that ilk

Let the diet start tomorrow

'Cause today I'll drown my sorrow

In a double malted milk

When you go to the delicatessen store

Don't buy the liverwurst

Don't buy the liverwurst

Don't buy the liverwurst

I repeat what I just said before

Don't buy the liverwurst

Don't buy the liverwurst

Oh buy the corned beef if you must

The pickled herring you can trust

And the lox puts you in orbit aok

But that big hunk of liverwurst

Has been there since October First

And today is the Twenty-Third of May

So when you go to the delicatessen store

Don't buy the liverwurst

Don't buy the liverwurst

Don't buy the liverwurst

It'll make your insides awful sore

Don't buy the liverwurst

Don't buy the liverwurst