Campaign Speech

Campaign Speech (競選演講) - Eminem (埃米納姆)

Jumped out of the 2nd floor of a record store

With a treacherous four cassette and a cassette recorder

In Ecuador with Edward Norton

Witness the metamorphosis

Of a legend growin' like an expert swordsman

From the Hessian war and

Hence the origin of the Headless Horseman

Born with the endorphins of a pathetic orphan

Endless source and reservoir

Of extension cords in dresser drawers

And deadbolts on the bedroom doors

And sexual torture kits kept in a separate storage bin

Excellent boyfriend

Use intercourse to settle scores

With women who have vendettas towards men

Dickhead is forced in 'til there's shredded foreskin

Reddish torn and they're only bein' fed a portion

Bed sores and sore shins

Pregnant whores can get abortions

Fetish for stickin' metal forks in self-absorption

Skeletor I went to Hell and fell a floor

A predator I'm headed for competitors

Better warn 'em what I lack in tact and a set of morals

I make up for in metaphors like a cosmetic store

Stegosaurus Chuck Norris with a thesaurus

Yes of course a mess of warrants

You want some come and get some boys

I'm givin' Daniel Pantaleo a refresher course

On excessive force and pressure points

And dressin' George Zimmerman in a fluorescent orange

Dress and four inch heels to address the court

With a bullseye on his back his whole chest and torso

Or left on the doorsteps of Trayvon's dad as a present for him

In my present form I'm Desert Storm

Appetite for destruction there's no suppressant for

Aggressive forceful and less remorseful in every morsel

Unpleasant horrible hello gorgeous

The rebel with devil horns just fell off the yellow short bus

Met a contortionist said

When you wanna get sexual

She said

However I fit in your schedule I'm flexible

Expired tags on the Saturn got Catherine Bach

In the back in Daisy Dukes with the hazards on

At a traffic stop gettin' harassed sign an autograph

For this asshole cop's daughter

Laugh 'cause I called her a brat on it

He spat on it and brought it back lookin' half in shock

Had a heart attack and dropped dead

Started fallin' back with it

And got slapped with a Colin Kaepernick practice sock

One ball and half a dick Apple Watch

Crack front axle walked in a Bass Pro Shop

With David Hasselhoff pulled Tabasco sauce out of my satchel

Knocked over a fisherman's tackle box and

Asked if they had a laughin' stock

That was f**kin' stupid

You got it twisted all 'cause I offered this b**ch

A doggie biscuit you call me misogynistic

B**ch get to massagin' this dick

Like spas in this b**ch slob on it with gobs of lipstick

Got a shoppin' list for you to run some odds and ends with

It's not a b**ch on this earth I can be monogamous with

She's non-existent

Robin Thicke with a throbbin' dick on some suave and slick sh*t

But I shout derogatives at b**ches like f**kin' missile launches

Misfit blond and nitwit

Like I've gone ballistic with a frostin' tip kit

Screamed I hate blondes and became one I'm optimistic

Love to start sh*t

Shovin' Clark Kent's undergarments in the glove compartment

Of the bucket bumpin' Bubba Sparxxx

I'm double parkin' up at Targets trouble 'causer a double crosser

Shadiest mothaf**ka you'll ever come across

Olympic gymnast been known for some assaults

A couple lawsuits enough to cause a stomach ulcer

Same damn brain scan results as Rainman's is

Something's off but when Dustin Hoffman's

Dressin' up in your mummy costume

On stage dancin' to Brain Damage what's the problem

Nothing's wrong the name brand is back to reclaim status

Run the faucet I'ma dunk

A bunch of Trump supporters underwater

Snuck up on 'em in Ray Bans in a gray van with a spray tan

It's a wrap like an Ace bandage

Don't give a f**k persona to my last DNA strand

E&J in the waistband at the VMAs with the stagehand

She wants kielbasa pre-arrange an escape plan

Three-inch blade on point like a see and say

Consider me a dangerous man

But you should be afraid of this dang candidate

You say Trump don't kiss a** like a puppet

'Cause he runs his campaign with his own cash for the fundin'

And that's what you wanted

A f**kin' loose cannon who's blunt with his hand on the button

Who doesn't have to answer to no one great idea

If I was president

Gettin' off is the first order of business

Once I get in office

Second thing that'll make me happy's walkin' up to Uncle Sam

Naked laughin' dick cupped in hand

Screamin' f**k safe sex

Throw a latex and an AIDS test at him

Tell Congress I run this land

And I want the rubber banned and make it snappy

Addiction to friction and static

Addict who can't escape the habit

Continue to chase the dragon

But as fate would have it

I walked up in Major Magics

Dressed as the maintenance man

In a laser tag vest and a racin' jacket

With a gauge to blast it

And sped away in the station wagon

Stacey Dash's and Casey Anthony's

Crazy asses in the backseat

Throwin' Stayfree pads at me

Dead passenger in the passenger seat

Unfasten the safety latches

And slam on the brakes in traffic so hard

I snapped the relocation brackets for the monster tires

Finna get a murder case and catch it

Like you threw it at me encased in plastic

And send Dylann Roof through the windshield of the Benz

Until he spins like a pinwheel and begins feelin'

Like a windmiller with a thin build while his skin's peelin'

And skids 'til he hits a cement pillar

Swing for the fence like Prince Fielder

Knock it into the upper peninsula

You wanna go against zilla the rap god

When will I quit never been realer

The in-stiller of fear not even a scintilla of doubt

Whose pens iller than Prince in a chinchilla

Or Ben Stiller in a suspense thriller

Revenge killer avenge syllable binge

Fill a syringe 'til I

Draw first blood

Even pop sh*t on my pop sh*t and it's popular

Couldn't be more awkwarder

Cause you're innocence I robbed you of

It's my fingers that got stuck up

Taught ya ta not give a

Slapstick hockey puck

The broad hunter with the sawed off

Like an arm when it's lopped off of ya

But I'm not gonna get the shotgun

Or the Glock I'm gonna opt for the ox

Cause I'm into objects that are sharp when I shop

And it's not a shock I'm such an obnoxious f**ker

The Rock Hudson of rock 'cause who would have thought

This much of a cocksucker to go across the buttocks of

Vivica Fox with a box cutter

That was for 50 little slap on the wrist be warned

I'm unravelin' quickly

My squabbles I'm grappling with your time traveling with me

Try and follow as I wobble relapse into history

With a flask of the whiskey

Tip it back then I'm twisting wine bottles

Like what happened to Chris Reeve's spine column

That's the plan of attack when I'm fixing my problems

Wish my chest wasn't having to get these rhymes off 'em

But the fact that I have so many rappers against me mind boggles

And why I haven't come back on these faggots who diss me is

More of a spectacular mystery than a f**king

Agatha Christie crime novel

But my patience is wearing thin

Swear I been contemplatin' rubbing

Sh*t in your face 'til I smear it in

Diss you in every lyric until you fear the pen

And never appear again

If you actually had f**kin' careers to end

But then I think of Molly Qerim and

I steer 'em in that direction and forget my ideas for them

Molly I'm gone off you

Man light some kush

You're my first take I'll nail you

Can't lie I gush

If I won you over you would be the grand prize

I'm entranced by your looks

Come and give the Shady franchise a push

You can get it in the can like some Anheuser Busch

Jeans too small least three pant sizes tush

Mushed against your damn side your puss

And thighs are squished

What kind of attires that

I'm ready to be rode

Psychopath bet you we'll get it poppin' like a flat

Light the match to ignite the wrath

Got knives to slash and slice hermaphrodites in half

Piper Chapmans might just have to picket me

Like a scab

Hard to describe in fact

Startling violent perhaps

Are things that come to mind as soon as

I start spitting rhymes like that

And you aren't really surprised at that

But as far as these lines I rap

And these bars wouldn't dial

It back if I star 69ed the track

Why am I such a dick