Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West)

Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) - Sunshine Superstars

You could hear the hoof beats pound

As they raced across the ground

And the clatter of the wheels

As they spun round and round

And he galloped into market street

His badge upon his chest

His name was ernie

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west

Now ernie loved a widow a lady known as sue

She lived all alone in liddley lane

At number twenty

They said she was too good for him

She was haughty proud and chic

But ernie got his cocoa

There three times every week

They called him ernie (ernie)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west

She said she'd like to bathe in milk

He said all right sweetheart

And when he'd finished work

One night he loaded up his cart

He said you want it pasturize

Cause pasturize is best

She says ernie I'll be happy

If it comes up to my chest

That tickled old ernie (ernie)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west oh

Now ernie had a rival an evil looking man

Called two ton ted from teddington

And he drove the baker's van

He tempted her with his treacle tarts

And his tasty wholemeal bread

And when she seen the size

Of his hot meat pies

It very near turned her head

She nearly swooned at his macaroon

And he said If you treat me right

You'll have hot rolls every morning

And crumpets every night

He knew once she sampled his layer cake

He'd have his wicked way

And all ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day

Poor ernie (ernie)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west oh

One lunch time ted saw ernie's horse

And cart outside her door

It drove him mad to find it was still

There at half past four

And as he lept down from his van

Hot blood through his veins did course

And he went across to ernie's cart

And didn't half kick his orse

Whose name was trigger (trigger)

And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west

Now ernie rushed out into the street

His gold top in his hand

He said If you wanna marry susie

You'll fight for her like a man

Oh why don't we play cards for her

He sneeringly replied

And just to make it interesting

We'll have a shilling on the side

Now ernie dragged him from his van

And beneath the blazing sun

They stood there face to face

And ted went for his bun

But ernie was too quick things

Didn't go the way ted planned

And a strawberry flavoured yogurt sent

It spinning from his hand

Now susie ran between them

And tried to keep them apart

And ernie he pushed her aside

And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart

And he looked up in pained surprise

And the concrete hardened crust

Of a stale pork pie caught him

In the eye and ernie bit the dust

Poor ernie (ernie)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west

Ernie was only fifty two he didn't wanna die

And now he's gone to make deliveries

In that milk round in the sky

Where the customers are angels

And ferocious dogs are banned

And the milkman's life is full of fun

In that fairy dairy land

But a woman's needs are many fold

And soon she married ted

But strange things happened

On their wedding night

As they lay in their bed

Was that the trees a rustling

Or the hinges of the gate

Or ernie's ghostly gold tops a rattling in their crate

They won't forget ernie (ernie)

And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west