Asshole

Asshole - Denis Leary

Folks I`d like to sing a song

About the American dream

About me about you

About the way our American

Hearts beat way down

In the bottom of our chests

About the special feeling we get in the

Cockles of our hearts

Maybe below the cockles

Maybe in the subcockle

Area Maybe in the liver

Maybe in the kidneys

Maybe even in the

Colon we don`t know

I`m just a regular Joe

With a regular job

I`m your average white suburbanite slob

I like football and porno

And books about war

I`ve got an average house

With a nice hardwood floor

My wife and my job

My kids and my car

My feet on my table

And a cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain`t enough

To keep a man like me interested

(oh no) no way (uh-uh)

No I`ve gotta go out

And have fun at someone else`s expense

(oh yeah)

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane

While people behind me are going insane

I`m an asshole

(He`s an asshole what an asshole)

I`m an asshole

(He`s an asshole such an asshole)

I use public toilets

And piss on the seat

I walk around in the summertime saying

`How about this heat `

I`m an asshole

(He`s an asshole what an asshole)

I`m an asshole

(He`s the world`s biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces

While handicapped people make handicapped faces

I`m an asshole

(He`s an asshole what an asshole)

I`m an asshole

(He`s a real f**king asshole)

Maybe I shouldn`t be singing this song

Ranting and raving and carrying on

Maybe they`re right

When they tell me I`m wrong

NAAAAH

I`m an asshole

(he`s an asshole what an asshole)

I`m an asshole

(he`s the world`s biggest asshole)

Know what I`m gonna do

I`m gonna get myself a 1967

Cadillac El Dorado hot-f**kin`-pink

With whaleskin hubcaps

And all-leather cow interior and big

Brown baby seal eyes for headlights

Yeah And I`m gonna drive around in

That baby doing 115 miles an hour

Getting 1 mile per gallon suckin` down

Quarter pound cheeseburgers

From McDonald`s in the old-fashioned non-

Biodegradable styrofoam containers

Yeah And when I`m done suckin` down

Those greaseball burgers

I`m gonna toss the styrofoam

Containers right out the

Side and there ain`t a goddamn thing

Anybody can do about it

You know why

Because we got the bombs

That`s why yeah

Two words--nuclear f**kin` weapons OK

Russia Czechoslovakia Romania

They can have all the democracy

They want

They can have a democracy cakewalk

Right through the middle of

Tienamen Square and it won`t make a lick

Of f**kin` difference because we got

The bombs OK

John Wayne`s not dead--he`s frozen

And when we find a cure for

Cancer we`re gonna thaw out

The Duke

And he`s gonna be pretty pissed off

You know why

You ever taken a cold shower

Well multiply that by 15 million

Times--that`s how pissed off

The Duke`s gonna be

I`m gonna get the Duke and

John Casavetti and Sam Peckinpaw

And a case of f**kin` whisky and drive

Hey hey hey hey

You know you really are an asshole

Why don`t you shut up

And sing the song Chris

I thought I was the

Asshole all the time

It was him what an asshole

I`m an asshole

(I`m an asshole he`s an asshole)

I`m an asshole

(He`s the world`s biggest asshole)

A S-S H-O L-E

Everybody A S-S H-O L-E

Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay Ay-Ay

A-thoom A-thoom-thoom

A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom

Oooooooo

I`m an asshole and I`m proud of it