The Worst Pies in London

Ah a customer

Wait what's your rush what's your hurry

You gave me such a fright I thought you was a ghost

Half a minute can't you sit sit you down sit

All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie sir

Do forgive me if me head's a little vague

Ugh what is that

But you'd think we have the plague

From the way that people keep avoiding

No you don't

Heaven knows I try sir but there's no one comes in even to inhale

Right you are sir would you like a drop of ale

Mind you I can't hardly blame them These are probably the worst pies in London

I know why nobody cares to take them I should know I make them but good now the worst pies in London

Even that's polite the worst pies in London If you doubt it take a bite

Is that just disgusting Ya have to concede it it's nothing but crusting here drink this you'll need it The worst pies in London

And no wonder with the price of meat what it is when you get it never thought I'd live to see the day

Men'd think it was a treat finding poor animals what are dying in the streets

Mrs Mooney has a pie shop Does a business but I've noticed something weird Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared

Have to hand it to her What I calls enterprise popping pussies into pies

Wouldn't do in my shop Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick And I'm telling you them p**sy cats is quick

No denying times is hard sir Even harder than the worst pies in London Only lard and nothing more

Is that just revolting All greasy and gritty It looks like it's moulting and tastes like well pity

A woman alone with limited wind And the worst pies in London

Ah sir times is hard times is hard