(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs

(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs - Kristin Chenoweth/Joshua Alexander/Will Bell/Helene Britany/Riley Costello/Kelli Ann Erdmann/Sam Faulkner/Marissa Heart/Joanna Jones/Jacque Lewarne/Tommy Martinez/Tiana Okoye/Amos Oliver III/Re'Sean Pates/Katherine Roarty/Rhon Saunders/Ricky A. Schroeder/Heather Tepe/Mason Trueblood/Karl Skyler Urban/Paul Vogt

Tracy：

I brought my own 45's so if you wanna put them on

I'll show you my stuff

Amber：

Haven't you shown us enough

Velma：

Oh my God how times have changed

This girl's either blind or completely deranged

Oh the time seemed to halt

When I was miss baltimore crabs

Tracy：

It's always been my dream to dance on this show

Amber：

Aww maybe you ought to go back to sleep

Velma：

Childhood dreams for me were cracked

When that damn shirley temple stole my friggin' act

But the crown's in the vault

From when I won miss baltimore crabs

Those poor runner ups might still hold some grudges

They padded their cups but I screwed the judges

Those broads thought they'd win

If a plate they would spin in their dance

Ha not a chance

'Cuz I hit the stage batons ablaze

While belting high cs and preparing cheese souffls

But that triple somersault

Is how I clinched miss baltimore crabs

Amber：

Oh almost dinner time shouldn't you be waddling along

Velma：

Amber haven't I taught you not to judge a book by its cover

Amber：

No

Velma：

Oh this is America where everyone deserves a separate but equal chance to fail I'll handle this

Are you scared we're on live

Tracy：

No I'm sure I can cope

Amber/Velma：

Well this show isn't broadcast in

Council members：

Cinemascope

Velma：

I never drank one chocolate malt

No desserts for miss baltimore crabs

Council member：

How many sweaters do you own

Amber：

Well I'm sure I've got plenty

Let me see I have three five

Wait I have twenty

Velma：

I would say oy gevalt

But I can't I'm miss baltimore crabs

Council member：

You're too wide from the back

Amber：

Honey look at her front

Velma：

Wait are we on candid camera

Okay where's allen funt

Amber：

Do you dance like you dress

Link：

Girls there's no need to be cruel

Velma：

Would you swim in an integrated pool

Tracy：

I sure would I'm all for integration it's the new frontier

Velma：

Not in baltimore it isn't

Tracy：

Can I audition for corny now

Velma：

Mmm I'm his producer and may I be frank

First impressions can be tough and when I saw you I knew it

If your size weren't enough your last answer just blew it

And so my dear so loud and stout

You'll never be in

Council members：

So we're kicking you out

Velma：

With your form and your face well it isn't your fault

You're just down with a case of miss baltimore crabs

You may go

Tracy：

Uh thank you

Penny：

I could tell they really liked you

Little inez：

Hello ma'am I want to audition

Velma：

And I wanna be 18 again

How about you bow and exalt

For I was miss baltimore crabs

Council members：

Crabs crabs

Velma：

Crabs