The Worst Pies In London (Live)

The Worst Pies In London (Live) - Michael Ball/Maria Friedman

Lyrics by：Stephen Sondheim

Composed by：Stephen Sondheim

Produced by：Cameron Mackintosh/Lee McCutcheon/Stephen Metcalfe

Ooo a customer

Wait

What's your rush

What's your hurry

You gave me such a fright

I thought you was a ghost

Half a minute can't you sit

Sit you down sit

All I meant is

That I haven't seen a customer for weeks

Did you come here for a pie sir

Do forgive me if me head's a little vague

Ooh what is that

But you'd think we'd had the plague

From the way that people keep avoiding

No you don't

Heaven knows I try sir

But there's no one comes in even to inhale

Ah right you are sir

Would you like a drop of ale

Mind you I can hardly blame them

These are probably the worst pies in london

I know why nobody cares to take them

I should know

I make 'em

But good no

The worst pies in london

Even that's polite

The worst pies in london

If you doubt it take a bite

Good

Is that just disgusting

You have to concede it

It's nothing but crusting spain

Here drink this you'll need it

The worst pies in london

And no wonder with the price of meat

What it is

When you get it

Never thought I'd live to see the day

Men'd think it

Was a treat findin' poor animals

What are dyin' in the street

Mrs Mooney has a pie shop

Does her business

But I notice something weird

Lately

All her neighbors cats have disappeared

Have to hand it to her

What I calls enterprise

Poppin' pussies into pies

Wouldn't do in my shop

Just the thought of it's

Enough to make you sick

And I'm telling you

Them p***ycats is quick

No denying times is hard sir

Even harder than the worst pies in london

Only lard and nothing more

Is that just revolting

All greasy and gritty

It looks like it's molting

And tastes like well pity

A woman alone

With limited wind

And the worst pies in london

Ah sir

Times is hard

Times is hard