Bye Bye Birdie - Original Broadway Cast: A Normal, Healthy American Boy

A Normal, Healthy American Boy - Chita Rivera/Dick Van Dyke/Louise Quick/Jessica Albright

He's coming He's coming

Conrad Birdie is coming

Hey Conrad how about answering a few questions

How do you feel about joining in the Army

Ah Ah Ah how does he feel

You ask how he feels

He's much too shy to tell you

So I'll tell ya how he feels

He feels brave and eager

Strangely humble Proud to be a plain GI

He would gladly face those bullets

For he's not afraid to die

For he's a fine upstanding

Patriotic healthy normal

American boy

And that's why he volunteered for

Volunteered I thought he was drafted

And he appealed three times

Sing

We love you Conrad

Oh yes we do

We love you Conrad

And will be true

When you're not near us

We're blue

Oh Conrad we love you

Very nice

Say what's the pitch

On that Hollywood starlet Conrad

Are you two engaged

Ah Ah Is he engaged

Is Conrad engaged

There's absolutely nothing

To the rumor he's engaged

She's a real pal like a sister

But it doesn't mean a thing

And that eighteen carat diamond

It was just a "friendship" ring

For he's a fine upstanding patriotic

Healthy normal American boy

And why was your husband so mad

Sing

We love you Conrad

Oh yes we do

We love you Conrad

And will be true

Oh I'll never forget what Conrad said

When he found out he been accept by the arm forces

Juese Mr Peterson he said eagerly

He suposse air long side met the front line 20th

That way you'll get myself in those dirty jearies

Ah ah Albert

They're whoever is dirty this time

Hey Mr Peterson give us a scoop

Is Conrad still drinking a lot

What

Now listen here This gossip must stop

He goes to church each Sunday

And he doesn't touch a drop

He's as decent as a minister

Absolutely

He's as sober as a judge

He subscribes to ev'ry charity

And his hobby's making fudge

For he's a fine up standing patriotic

Healthy normal American boy

Is it true that you found Conrad in a Reform School

Oh what

That's a lie

A lie thru' and thru'

I'll tell you where he came from

Here's the story and it's true

He was born in Indo china

He was born in old Virginia

Son of missionaries there

On a thousand acre farm

Very poor and very hungry

From a line of wealthy planters

What a cruel life to bear

Full of genteel southern charm

Soon he drifted down to Hong Kong

In the evening by the river

To a water front saloon

By the moonlight they would croon

That is where I heard him singing

That's where Conrad started singing

Underneath a Hong Kong moon

'Neath that sweet plantation moon

We love you Conrad

Oh yes we do

We love you

Conrad and we'll be true

Oh oh Conrad we love you

We love you

Conrad and we'll be true

For he's a fine upstanding

Av'rage modest patriotic

Healthy normal American

American boy