A Letter to Santa

A Letter to Santa - Bob Rivers

Dear Santa Claus

It has been brought to my attention

By one of our operatives

That you have secured for yourself

And your interests

A very lucrative position in the toy and game industry

Normally

My associates and I would not involve ourselves

In child-exploitation schemes such as yours

However it is quite clear to us

That you have over-stepped

Your bounds and are coming into my family's territories

That I cannot let you do

Mr Claus we've known each other for many years

And we have no problem with your operations in the

North Pole But uh Consigliere tells me that you have

Expanded your deliveries to the entire south side

Most of the north side and everywhere

But the Jewish neighborhoods

I understand Mr Kringle

That you and I share many interests

We both make lists We both know who's been naughty

And who's been nice Have I mentioned that

Uh red is also my favorite color

This year when you make your rounds

I hope you'll take time stop by the house

For a cup of coffee and some cookies so that

Uh we can discuss an offer I know you can't refuse

I know how much you like cookies

I am sure you will do this thing

I ask out of respect

But I would be remiss

If I did not remind you of the tragic

Demise of our mutual friend

And confidant Frosty T Snowman

I regret that it was necessary to teach Frosty a lesson

Sincerely and with warmest wishes

For you and the lovely Mrs Claus

Don

P S

It would be most unfortunate for you

To wake up one morning to find the heads

Of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you

I am sure you are a reasonable man

And this will not be necessary