Liars' Bar

Liars' Bar - The Beautiful South

Well sitting in a bar alone where no-one knows your name

Is like laying in a graveyard wide awake

You're scared that if you cough or yawn you might wake up the dead

So pretend to read a paper or just drink instead

I'm a stand-up comedian but I'd sit down if I could

The world just seems to want folk like me to stand

And the punch-lines seem to disappear like clouds across the sky

And the laughter could be real or could be canned

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

Well living with a lying man could never really hurt

But living with a drunk well no-one deserves

And you're looking for your husband you're not sure he's still alive

Don't bother with the cemetery he'll be down at liar's dive

I'm a travelling businessman I just stopped in for one drink

You'll find that I'm not like the other men

Their noses are red whilst mine is only pink

And they didn't choose their drink their drink chose them

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

And the grave-digger's smiling at his reflection in his spade

He's visiting the seediest the shallowest of graves

The vocal chords of elephants and the characters of mice

They're singing "whisky whisky" so good they named it twice

And son this is rule one:

Well don't pass buildings with lights on if I said that I did I'd have lied

'Cause what looks like a Chinese restaurant may have Chinese New Year inside

And son all my life I've been searching the bars I've been in I forget

The lights outside ever brighter but a light on the inside not yet

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar

And he's a world-wide traveller he's not like me or you

But he comes in mighty regular for one who's passing through

That one came in his work clothes he's missed his last bus home

He's missed a hell of a lot of buses for a man who wants to roam

You'll never get to Rome son

And son this is rule two:

If I look rough I am rough if I look sad I am

If I look broke am I broke just a broke down piece of man

I don't mean to get sad on you at all but this is the truth:

I've turned over enough leaves to fill an autumn if I had one final wish

I'd be your slave for a decade if you could take me away from this pish

If you took me away from this I'd be different you'd see

'Cause I didn't choose the drink a drink just chose me

Rum by the kettle drum

Whiskey by the jar

At Liars' Bar Well I'm smoking like a chimley And I'm drinking like a fish At Liars' Bar