Ya Got Trouble (from "The Music Man")

Ya Got Trouble - Robert Preston

Ya got trouble understand

Friend either you're closing your eyes

To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge

Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated

By the presence of a pool table in your community

Well ya got trouble my friend right here

I say trouble right here in River City

Why sure I'm a billiard player

Certainly mighty proud I say

I'm always mighty proud to say it

I consider that the hours I spend

With a cue in my hand are golden

Help you cultivate horse sense

And a cool head and a keen eye

Jever' take and try to find

An iron-clad leave for yourself

From a three-rail billiard shot

But just as I say

It takes judgment brains and maturity to score

In a balkline game

I say that any boob can take

And shove a ball in a pocket

And I call that sloth

The first big step on the road

To the depths of deg-ra-day

I say first medicinal wine from a teaspoon

Then beer from a bottle

An' the next thing ya know

Your son is playin' for money

In a pinch-back suit

And list'nin to some big out-a-town jasper

Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin'

Not a wholesome trottin' race no

But a race where they set down right on the horse

Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy

Settin' on Dan Patch

Make your blood boil

Well I should say

Now friends lemme tell you what I mean

Ya got one two three four

Five six pockets in a table

Pockets that mark the diff'rence

Between a gentlemen and a bum

With a capital "B "

And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool

And all week long your River City

Youth'll be fritterin' away

I say your young men'll be fritterin'

Fritterin' away their noontime

Suppertime choretime too

Get the ball in the pocket

Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled

Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded

Never mind pumpin' any water

'Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty

On a Saturday night and that's trouble

Yes you got lots and lots of trouble

I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers

Shirt-tail young ones peekin' in the pool

Hall window after school ya got trouble folks

Right here in River City

Trouble with a capital "T"

And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool

Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents

I'm gonna be perfectly frank

Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes

On while they're loafin' around that Hall

They be tryin' out Bevo tryin' out cubebs

Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends

And braggin' all about

How they're gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen

One fine night they leave the pool hall

Headin' for the dance at the Arm'ry

Libertine men and Scarlet women

And Rag-time shameless music

That'll grab your son your daughter

With the arms of a jungle animal instinct

Mass-staria

Friends the idle brain is the devil's playground

Trouble oh we got trouble

Right here in River City

With a capital "T"

That rhymes with "P"

And that stands for Pool

That stands for pool

We've surely got trouble

Right here in River City

Right here

Gotta figure out a way

To keep the young ones moral after school

Mothers of River City

Heed the warning before it's too late

Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption

The moment your son leaves the house

Does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee

Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger

A dime novel hidden in the corn crib

Is he starting to memorize jokes from Capt

Billy's Whiz Bang

Are certain words creeping into his conversation

Words like 'swell' "

And 'so's your old man' "

Well if so my friends

Ya got trouble

Right here in River City

With a capital "T"

And that rhymes with "P"

And that stands for Pool

We've surely got trouble

Right here in River City

Remember the Maine Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule

Oh we've got trouble

We're in terrible terrible trouble

That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil's tool

Oh yes we got trouble trouble trouble

With a "T"

Gotta rhyme it with "P"

And that stands for Pool