Black Bear Road

Me an' RJ an' the kids was on a camp out in the mountains

And we had us one'a them U Drive 'Em Army Jeep cars

Which we rented from a fella

By the name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day

Buy your gas along the way

Take a rabbit's foot and leave a pint of blood for a dee posit

And he 'splained it all to us how we was supposed to get to Telluride

Which is fifty miles away by way of the regular highway

However

There was a shortcut but unless we had drove the Black Bear Road before

We'd better be off to stay

Stay in bed and sleep late

Pay no attention to the gitar there

Well

We took up off'n the highway and we come upon a sign says Black Bear Road

You don't have to be crazy to drive this road

But it helps I says

RJ

This must the shortcut road Kubozke was talkin' about She didn't pay no mind

'Cause she was makin' peanut butter sandwiches for the kids

In the back seat throwin' rocks

And drinkin' Kool Aid and playin' count the license plates

But they wasn't havin' too much fun a countin' license plate or cars

'Cause there weren't no other cars

We went about a mile and a half in about four hours

Busted off the right front fender

Tore a hole in the oil pan on a rock as big as a hall closet

Went over a bump and spilt the Kool Aid and Roy Gene stuck his bolo

Knife right through the convertible top and the dog threw up all over the back seat

Peanut butter don't agree with him

You see

So we had to stop and take off the top and air everything out and clean it up

The dog run off and RJ says she felt her asthma comin' on

I was sittin' there wonderin' what to do when the en tire scenic

San Joo wan U Drive'Em Army Jeep car sank in the mud

At thirteen thousand feet above sea level

Well

We shoveled it out and ate our lunch

The dog made a yellow hole in the snow and Roy Gene got out

His Instamatic and took a snapshot of it

Mary Elizabeth drawed a picture of the road

It looked like a whole bunch a' Zs and Ws all strung together

And RJ took one look at it and said that the only way

That Jeep car is goin' down that road is over her dead body

Then a rock slipped out from under the wheel and the U Drive 'Em

Army Jeep car went right over the edge of the cliff

Yahoo oo oo oo

Doggone it

Roy Gene

How many times do I have to 'splain it to you

When I tell you to put a rock under the wheel

I mean rock

Now look at that

What you have there is no bigger'n a grapefruit