Tubby the Tuba

Once upon a time there was an orchestra

Which was all busy tuning up

First the oboe gave his A to the strings

Then to the woodwinds and to the brass

Up and around the scales

They raced helter-skelter

Faster and faster

All but Tubby the tuba;

He was a fat little tubaPuffing away

But oh so slow

'Oh what lovely music

' thought Tubby and he sighed '

Here what's the matter '

Said Peepo the Piccolo

'Oh ' said Tubby '

Every time we do a new piece

You all get such pretty melodies to play

And I never never a pretty melody '

But people never write pretty melodies for tubas

It just isn't done

Shhh there's the conductor

First the violins danced

Their lovely little tune on their strings

Then they cried to the flute

'Catch ' 'Got it ' cried the flute

'My turn ' tooted the trumpet

And the rest joined in

The cello then the oboe

And the bassoon

While Tubby went oompah oompah

Oompah oompah'Catch me '

The little tune 'Catch me '

'Hmhmhmhm I got you '

Cried Tubby 'Oh you're sitting on me

' said the little tune

Poor Tubby picked up the flat little tune

And tried to squeeze it back into shape

'You clumsy fool '

Snapped the violins 'I'm sorry Mr Fiddle '

Said Tubby 'Fiddle Fiddle indeed '

And the violins quivered with great indignation '

You will please address us as violins

Fiddles indeed '

'Tubby ' said the conductor

'Tubby what is the matter '

'Please sir I thought it would be so nice to dance

With the pretty little tune

Instead of just going oompah oompah all the time '

'Dance ' laughed the violins

'Dance Well really '

The French horn quietly

Put his hand to his mouth and smiled

And the whole orchestra began to laugh

'Stop it '

The conductor 'Stop it I say Tubby '

'Please sir

I wasn't laughing ' Rehearsal was over

Tubby was walking home with Pipo the Piccolo

'Please Peepo ' said Tubby 'I just feel so bad

I don't think I want any company '

'I understand '

Peepo 'Good night ''Good night ' said Tubby

The moon was out and Tubby

Went to the river and sat on a log

And he looked at himself in the water

Alone am I me and I together

If I went away from me

How unhappy I would be

Me and I oh my

The trees whispered in the wind

And the waterfalls tinkled Suddenly

A big bullfrog hopped out of the water

And sat beside him (croaking)

Lovely evening I said lovely evening

I said beautiful evening

Hello hello hello

But Tubby just sat 'Oh well said the frog

'Oh well If I'm not wanted ''Oh ' cried Tubby '

Please Mr Frog come back

I didn't mean to be impolite

'Back hopped the frog 'Oh that's all right

I'm used to it No one pays any attention to me

Either ''Really ' said Tubby 'Why of course

Every night I sit here and sing my heart out

But does anyone listen

No ''Can you sing ' asked Tubby

'Can I sing Listen ' (sings a melody)

'Oh that's lovely ' said Tubby '

Tubby the Tuba - Danny Kaye