Glory

What's the Good of a Birthday - Gracie Fields

I'm sixteen

I'm sixteen years old today

I've had a birthday come today

It's a bit of a washout too

Though I got presents from everyone

Of the useful kind that are not much fun

And a bit of a party do

Birthdays are jolly my mummy said

But mine's finished up being sent to bed

What's the good of a birthday

If you can't have what you like

What's the good of a handkerchief

To a fellow who wants a bike

They gave me a brush to clean my teeth

And a tube of paste as well

But it isn't the paste

With the peppermint taste

It's a nasty carbolic y smell

So I squeezed all of the paste

On the carpet for fun

I stamped on the toothbrush

So that present's done

And I won't use the hanky

I'll just let it run

What's the good of a birthday

I've had a birthday party too

But it wasn't much good to me

I'd honey sandwiches then some ham

And some trifle jelly with cream and jam

And I'd seven big cups of tea

Just then I noticed a big pork pie

I couldn't have that now I ask you why

What's the good of a birthday

If you can't eat till you're sick

What's the good of a plate of cakes

If a fellow can't have his pick

They told me I'd be a p i g

And they said I'd best beware

I said p i g 's are happier than me

So why should I jolly well care

Then I crept to the larder

And guess what I got

A tin of sardines

And I ate all the lot

Then I showed them if I could be sick or not

What's the good of a birthday

When I'd been sick

They said that's that

And my birthday they said was done

They washed my hands and they washed my face

I was sent to bed I was in disgrace

Just as if being ill was fun

They took all my clothes from the bedroom

They said then I'd have to stay where I was

What's the good of a birthday

If a fellow's sent to bed

What's the good of a party eh

If a fellow's upstairs instead

The reverend brown I knew was down

In the dining room below

And Mrs duveen and winnie and jean

Were laughing with auntie flo

I wanted and wanted to join in the din

But I knew in pyjamas I mustn't go in

So I just took 'em off

And went down in my skin

What's the good of a birthday

Now now I'm lying in bed

I'm in more disgrace

And I'm smarting and smarting

In one certain place

And I guess for tonight

I shall sleep on my face

What's the good of a birthday