High in Church (Explicit)

High in Church - Trevor Moore

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

Oh law forgive me

This is the worst

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

Oh god please help me

This is the worst

'Cuz he brought a bag of shrooms and pot

And I'm new to this I'm just learnin'

Got a little too high on accident

Yeah that's right not on purpose

Then mom busted in my room

And said we have to go to midnight service

We're in the minivan

And my friends don't understand

I'm freaking out here man

Trying to remember who I am

My mom is talking to me

And that's just making it worse

We walk into the lobby

Oh sh*t I'm high in church

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

Oh god please help me

This is the worst

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

I'm high as hell

This is the worst

Go and a pew

I'm freaking out don't know what to do

There's an old war vet snoring next to me

And I think he's been here since world war 2

I'm peaking here

I'm wigging out

They know I'm stoned

There is no doubt

Brian is reading the bible and laughing

I plead for him to cut it out

But he's giggling loud he starts to cry

He's turning red I don't know why

He's like a godd**n neon billboard saying

Hey y'all we're super high

I ask him what his problem is

And what's making him laugh

He points to a verse that says

The lord opened up the mouth of an ass

Oh my god that's super gross

Why the hell is that in there

My mom shushes both of us

And people turn around and stare

I take the book from brian

The choir begins to sing

It dawns on me that I've

Never actually read this thing

I opened up the pages

And then start flipping through

I find it calms me down

And gives my mind something to do

It says some beautiful

Things about forgiveness and love

'Til I get to the end when god comes back

Wilds out and straight up f**ks earth up

Holy sh*t did you know this

Read this last part what the f**k

Spoiler alert god comes back with dragons

And murders everyone

What happened to the lovey dovey

Stuff from the other verse

Oh sh*t man I can't handle this right now

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

Oh god please help me

This is the worst

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

I'm high as hell

This is the worst

Need to get where no one can see

So I excuse myself to take a pee

But in the bathroom my old youth pastor

Comes up and stands next to me

Oh great he's probably gonna start

Yapping about how my soul is eternal

But instead he justs asks why my pants

Are down at the urinal

Oops umm sorry about that

Nice to see you gotta go

Oh my god I'm high as balls

And there's no way he doesn't know

Sh*t is getting out of hand

I'm getting higher

Need to make a plan

Maybe tell mom I'm sick

And try to get the keys to

Sleep this off in the van

I scoot back to my seat and

Notice everyone has stopped singing

The pastor asks if there is

Anyone here who is visiting

Mom gets excited raises her hand

I tell her no but she makes me stand

Pastor asks is I'm just here for christmas

And I say I am

The congregation turns around

The pastor asks me how I've been

And that's about when

The godd**n shrooms decided it

Was time to kick the f**k on in

Wow how are you really done it now

Holy sh*t what's going on

What is that voice I'm freaking out

This is satan and you've summoned

Me to seal your doom

Whoa hold up wait a minute

I don't even think I believe in you

I exist within subcounciousness down in your mind

But you did *** and went to church

So now your soul is mine

For all eternity you will

Never escape my clutch

Okay uh first of all I think

That seems like a little much

A joint and couple caps and stems

Is that all that a soul is worth

And god made everything I've done tonight

All of it's from the earth

The mushrooms and the pot yo he made it all

The nitrous and the adderall

Muscle relaxers maybe a little coke

But if that d**ns me for etenity

Then if you ask me the system's broke

Then satan disappeared

And shrieked a shrieking sound

I sent him back to hell

Because I f**king stood my ground

The church stares at me

Their eyes are open wide

And the pastor asks if I'd stop

Shouting and please go outside

Uh sure sorry it's just that

I'm high in church

I'm high in church

Whatever man

I guess it could be worse

I'm high in church

That's what I am

Sorry mom I guess

I'll be outside in the van

Whatever man

I'm gonna be out listening to the radio

Wake me up when you guys are done