The Credit Card Song (Rerecorded)

The Credit Card Song (Rerecorded) - Dick Feller

Well I guess this story must begin

That fateful day a way back when

I decided I should have a credit card

So I filled out this application

Listed all my recommendations

Sent it off in the mail

And in a month or so the mailman

Brought me my brand new charge all card

Better than checks

Safer than money

And not near as dirty

Well it laid around for a couple of days

And finally I thought what the hay

Why not see if this thing 'll really work

So I went down to my favorite store

Picked out three or four shirts or more

A pair of pants and a striped tie

And the man came by and said

Yes Sir cash or charge

I said yes put it on my credit card

Write that dude up ahhh convenient

Now I put that card away in a drawer

And I never charged one dollar more

Then one day in the mail I got this bill

Typed on a card all full of holes

That says do not staple bend or fold

Was the astronomical figure of thirty two hundred dollars

And forty two cents when

There's been a mistake

So I got on the phone hello hello

I got Mr Black and Mr Brown

And then I got the run a round

'Til finally Mr Green came on the line

I said Sir this may be hard to take

But your computer's made a mistake

It says I owe more money than I've ever seen

And he said people like you make mistakes

Computers do not lie

Send us the bread P D Q

Well this had just about done me in

So I grabbed that computer card again

The one with all those holes punched out so nice

And I threw it on the floor and I stomped it twice

And then I whipped out my pocket knife

And punched out a few more holes

Where there hadn't been no holes before

And I bent it double

Stapled it across the end

Drove my car over it

Stick that up your computer

I sent her back in and never heard no more

'Til one day the mailman came to the door

With a special delivery from the charge all place

Inside was a note from Mr Green

Said we ran your card through our machine

And it tells us that you overpaid your bill

Enclosed is a check payable to you

For nine thousand dollars

We appreciate your business

Well I got back on the phone again called Mr Green

And he was I

And I said I think there is something you should know

Then I told him what the computer had done

And I said just remember you're the one

That told me computer's do not lie

Thank you