St. George and the Dragonet

St. George and the Dragonet - Stan Freberg

The legend you are about to hear is true

Only the needle should

Be changed to protect the record

This is the countryside

My name is St George

I'm a knight

Saturday July 10th 8:05 pm

I was working out of the castle on the night

Watch when a call came in from the Chief

A dragon had been devouring maidens

Homicide My job: slay him

You call me Chief

Yes the dragon again devouring maidens

The King's daughter may be next

Mmm-hmm You got a lead

Oh nothing much to go on

Say did you take that 45 automatic into

The lab to have them check on it

Yeah You were right

I was right

Yeah It was a gun

8:22 pm

I talked to one of the maidens

Who had almost been devoured

Could I talk to you Ma'am

Who are you

I'm St George Ma'am Homicide Ma'am

Want to ask you a few questions Ma'am

I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am

Is that right dragon

It was terrible He breathed fire on me

He burned me already

How can I be sure of that Ma'am

Believe me

I got it straight from the dragon's mouth

11:45 pm

I rode over the King's Highway

I saw a man

Stopped to talk to him

Pardon me Sir

Could I talk to you for just a minute Sir

Sure I don't mind

What do you do for a living

I'm a knave

Didn't I pick you up on a 903

Last year for stealing tarts

Yeah So what

Do you want to make a federal case out of it

No Sir

We heard there was a dragon

Operating in this neighborhood

We just to know if you've seen him

Sure I seen him

Mmm-hmm Could you describe him for me

What's to describe

You see one dragon

You seen 'em all

Would you try to remember Sir

Just for the record

We just want to get the facts Sir

Well he was you know

He had orange polka dots

Yes Sir

Purple feet breathing fire and smoke

Mmm-hmm

And one big bloodshot eye

Right in the middle of his forehead and

Uh like that

Notice anything unusual about him

No he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon

You know

Mmm-hmm Yes Sir You can go now

Hey by the way how you gonna catch him

I thought you'd never ask A Dragonet

3:05 pm

I was riding back into the courtyard

To make my report to the lab

Then it happened It was the dragon

Hey I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon

You must be St George right

Yes Sir

I can see you got one of them

New 45 caliber swords

That's about the size of it

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha You slay me

That's what I wanted to talk to you about

What do you mean

I'm taking you in on a 502

You figure it out

What's the charge

Devouring maidens out of season

Out of season

You'll never pin that rap on me

Do you hear me

Cop

Yeah I hear you

I got you on a 412 too

A 412 What's a 412

Over-acting Let's go

On September the 5th

The Dragon was tried and convicted

His fire was put out

And his maiden-devouring license revoked

Maiden devouring out of season

Is punishable by a term of not

Less than 50 or more than 300 years