Don't Do It Again Matilda

Don't Do It Again Matilda - Harry Champion/Orchestra

Matilda a lady I've known many years

She's a beauty a bit of alright

Last night in her parlour I sat on a chair

And I had such a terrible fright

I thought that her poodle had bit me I did

When I rolled meself up in a knot

When she said that her beautiful set of false teeth

She had laid on the chair I said What

Don't do it again Matilda

Don't do it again

Your beautiful teeth they are most unkind

Never bit me before but they bit me behind

Wow wow They're biting me now

And I cannot locate the pain

Pull them out of me south

Put 'em into yer mouth

And don't do it again

Matilda and I went to Brighton one day

And she stood on the beach long-a me

The wind it was windy got under her clothes

And it blew her right out in the sea

I saw her come up with a smile on her face

And she looked like a drownded old pup

She came up again to the top of the foam

And I said that's yer second time up

Ah don't do it again Matilda

Never you do it again

You've done it now twice and number three

You'll find it unlucky just take it from me

Don't throw that under your nose

But swallow the Raging Main

Drink up all the lot

When you get to the bot

Then never come up again

Matilda she went to a fancy dress ball

And she played an original part

She rubbed herself over with raspberry jam

And she went as a raspberry tart

I went up to hug her and give her a kiss

Well the jam went all over me kite

I know she's a sticker

But Lor' what a licker

I shouted: 'you've done it tonight

Ah don't do it again Matilda

Don't do it again

That raspberry jam was made of glue

It cannot be helped but I'm sticking to you

My luck our noses are stuck and I'm starting to lose me train

I can't walk about with you stuck on me snout

So don't do it again

I shall never forget on the day I got wed

Well there's only yer 'umble to blame

Matilda insisted on washing me shirt and I've only one shirt to me name

She sent it along and when I put it on I discovered that I was a jay

She'd starched it all over from bottom to top

So I wrote her a letter to say

Don't do it again Matilda

Don't do it again

The dicky's as stiff as a rusty nail

And the back of it's wagging about like a tail

My shirt oh doesn't it hurt

Just toddle around and explain

It's a stiff as a pin and I can't tuck it in

So don't do it again