I Wonder What Happened to Him

The India that one read about

And may have been misled about

In one respect has kept itself intact

Though Pukka Sahib' traditions may have cracked

And thinned

The good old Indian army's still a fact

That famous monumental man

The Officer and Gentleman

Still lives and breathes and functions from Bombay to Katmandu

At any moment one can glimpse

Matured or embryonic Blimps'

Vivaciously speculating as to what became of who

Though Eastern sounds may fascinate your ear

When West meets West you're always sure to hear

Whatever became of old Bagot

I haven't seen him for a year

Is it true that young Forbes had to marry that Faggot

He met in the Vale of Kashmir

Have you had any news

Or that chap in the Blues

Was it Prosser or Pyecroft or Pym

He was stationed in Simla or was it Bengal

I know he got tight at a ball in Nepal

And wrote several four letter words on the wall

I wonder what happened to him

Whatever became of old Shelley

Is it true that young Briggs was cashiered

For riding quite nude on a push bike through Delhi

The day the new Viceroy appeared

Have you had any word

Of that bloke in the Third'

Was it Southerby Sedgwick or Sim

They had him thrown out of the club in Bombay

For apart from his mess bill exceeding his pay

He took to pig sticking in quite the wrong way

I wonder what happened to him

One must admit that by and large

Upholders of the British Raj*

Don't shine in conversation as a breed

Though Indian army officers can read

A bit

Their verbal wit has rather run to seed

Their splendid insularity

And roguish jocularity

Was echoing through when Victoria was Queen

In restaurants and dining cars

In messes clubs and hotel bars

They try to maintain tradition in the way it's always been

Though worlds may change and nations disappear

Above the shrieking chaos you will hear

Whatever became of old Tucker

Have you heard any word of young Mills

Who ruptured himself at the end of a chukka

And had to be sent to the hills

They say that young Lees

Had a go of D T 's'

And his hopes of promotion are slim

According to Stubbs who's a bit of a louse

The silly young blighter went out on a souse'

And took two old tarts into Government House

I wonder what happened to him

Whatever became of old Keeling

I hear that he got back from France

And frightened three nuns in a train in Darjeeling

By stripping and waving his lance

D'you remember Munroe

In the P A V O

He was tallish and mentally dim

The talk of heredity can't be quite true

He was dropped on his head by his ayah at two

I presume that by now he'll have reached G H Q

I'm sure that's what happened to him

Whatever became of old Archie

I hear he departed this life

After rounding up ten sacred cows in Karachi

To welcome the Governor's wife

D'you remember young Phipps

Who had very large hips

And whose waist was excessively slim

Well it seems that some doctor in Grosvenor Square

Gave him hormone injections for growing his hair

And he grew something here and he grew something there

I wonder what happened to her him

Note：*In an early version the lack

Of conversational skills of the

Devote themselves to action and to deed