ฟังเพลงMaster Of The House

My band of soaks, my den of dissolute's

My dirty jokes, my always pissed as newts

My sons of whores spend there lives in my inn,

Homing pigeons homing in

They fly through my doors,

And they crawl out on all fours

Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down

And meet the best innkeeper in town

As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:

Rooking their guests and crooking the books

Seldom do you see

Honest men like me

A gent of good intent

Who's content to be

Master of the house, doling out the charm

Ready with a handshake and an open palm

Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur

Glad to do a friend a favor

Doesn't cost me to be nice

But nothing gets you nothing

Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo

Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two

Watering the wine, making up the weight

Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight

Everybody loves a landlord

Everybody's bosom friend

I do whatever pleases

Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby to pass him by

Servant to the poor, butler to the great

Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!

Everybody's boon companion

Everybody's chaperone

But lock up your valises

Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief

Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef

Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat

Filling up the sausages with this and that

Residents are more than welcome

Bridal suite is occupied

Reasonable charges

Plus some little extras on the side!

(Oh Santa!)

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice

Two percent for looking in the mirror twice

Here a little slice, there a little cut

Three percent for sleeping with the window shut

When it comes to fixing prices

There are a lot of tricks I knows

How it all increases, all them bits and pieces

Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

(Oh, sorry love

Let's get something done about that)

I used to dream that I would meet a prince

But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

Master of the house? Isn't worth my spit!

Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong shit!

Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire

Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse

God knows lasted how I've living with this bastard in the house!

Master of the house!

Master and a half!

Comforter, philosopher

Don't make me laugh!

Servant to the poor, butler to the great

Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

Everybody bless the landlord!

Everybody bless his spouse!

Everybody raise a glass

Raise it up the master's arse

Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!