The Thieves Banquet (Explicit)

The Thieves Banquet - Akala

Once upon a time

In an obscure part of the Milky Way Galaxy

There was a spinning ball of

Water and rock ruled by the forces of evil

The Devil himself

Proud of the magnificent achievements of his children

Decided to call a special banquet

For the greatest thieves in all the land

He sent invites to thousands of the greatest murders

Rapists and general-assorted scum

Inviting them to attend his palace

At the dawn of the new moon

Each thief would be given a chance to stake his claim

As the greatest messenger of murder upon the planet

And the Devil himself would then

Decide who should be crowned king

After many days of deliberating

All of the petty thieves

Such as street criminals

Have been found far short

Of the required level of wickedness

And there were just four sets of thieves

Left in the competition

They were: the monarchs of empire

A cartel of bankers

The heads of religious orders

And the third-world dictators

Each set of thieves appointed a spokesman

To give his case to the Devil

We have recorded these events for posterity

Uh listen

Uh okay yo

First up was the thief of the worst reputation

Dictator of a third-world nation

He looked the Devil in the eye as he spoke

In an oh so serious tone

Dear Mr Devil

I am the greatest thief there has ever been on Earth

Please tell me who else

More than me personifies your work

I came to power in a military coup

I murdered the elected president

He wanted to use the resources

Of our country for our peoples' benefit

I proved to masters in the west

I could kill my own people just as well as the best

So I took over the so-called independent country

When the foreigners left

Sent squads of death to those who would suggest

In power should be the one they elect

Erected a statue of the great man

That raped our mothers stole our lands

That's how little self-respect I have

Don't fight slavery

It makes me glad

Account in Switzerland Rolls Royce

Murder and rape 'cos I want new toys

Don't want a portion but a whole fortune

With that profit what's a little bit of torture

Even outlawed my indigenous culture

And language and history

And taught our people to only worship colonizers

And of course me

Thief

It's the banquet of the thieves

Come and dine with me

It's the banquet of the thieves

The banquet of the thieve

The Devil was so impressed with this wonderful man

He almost ejaculated on his hands

But the monarch of the empire said

Excuse me Mr Devil I'd like to speak if I may

Who do you think trained this amateur

Dictator to behave this way

Yeah I'm sure before I came along

His country was far from heaven

But look of the carnage I caused all over the Earth

It's got to be the work of the Devil

Countless deaths mass enslavement

Deliberate starvation of whole nations

The dictator tries his best but looking at me

He's just an imitation

Who do you think pays his wages

He would love to be trading places

I've been doing this ting on the roads

Way back way back way back

Since the Middle Ages

Everybody knows he's a criminal element

They think I'm democratic and benevolent

And that shows that I'm really devilish

'Cos people think I'm heaven-sent

I couldn't care about democracy

You all know no one elected me

The people love me despite my crimes

Sucka MCs wanna bite my shine

So blingin' out of control you would vomit

Don't even touch dough but my face is on it

Thief

It's the banquet of the thieves

It's the banquet of the thieves

I'm a pervert who's in the cloak of the clergy

Yes I'm a pervert who's in the cloak

I'm a despicable character

I use my position of authority and spiritual reverence

I'm a despicable character

Mr Devil allow me to speak

For all of the religious leaders that leech

In the world of creeps I'm initiated

I take the peoples' faith and dissipate it

With false promises hollow oratory

Don't need a gun it's daylight robbery

Dear Mr Devil

I thought you would like it

How I use their faith in God to keep them blinded

Put on a nice voice read them a book

And they believe that I am not a crook

Tell them God will repay them in the next

They give me their life savings so I can buy jets

All the reports about child sex

None of us have ever gone to jail yet

This system of stealing so appealing

Convinces the victims their lives have meaning

Monarchs boast about conquest

But needed my blessings to get it done

And all of the dictators use my books

Therefore they are just my sons

The Devil was sure this was the winner

And was just about to put an end to the dinner

But then the man from the banking cartel

Stepped up and said

I think I'm the biggest sinner

All of those three depend on me

All they ever do is defending me

'Cos I paid for all of the things they have

Of course and all of the lives they lead

Paid for the guns bombs and the tanks

That's why you see there is always more

I turned science's basic appliance

Into a client of weapon and war

Paid for monarchies armed robberies

I make monopolies out of property

Never shot a gun nor killed anyone myself

But billions die 'cos of me

Who needs a threat I make a debt

Out of thin air just sit back and collect

Every single day whatever they say

The people need me just to connect it

Yet none of them knows what I look like

Yet all of them spend my money to look nice

They want more no one's pure

I hold the keys to every single door

Sell sex and drugs profit and lies

Earth and skies I'll even sell life

I'll even sell freedom for the right price

But no one is smart enough to ask me nice

So Mr Devil give me the medal

Don't be biased

If you don't give it to me

I'll just buy it

Thief

It's the banquet of the thieves

Come and dine with me

It's the banquet of the thieves

The banquet of the thieves

It's the banquet of the thieves

Come and dine with me

It's the banquet of the thieves

The banquet of the thieve