Master Of The House

Welcome Monsieur sit yourself down

And meet the best innkeeper in town

As for the rest all of 'em crooks:

Rooking their guests and crooking the books

Seldom do you see

Honest men like me

A gent of good intent

Who's content to be

Master of the house doling out the charm

Ready with a handshake and an open palm

Tells a saucy tale makes a little stir

Customers appreciate a bon-viveur

Glad to do a friend a favor

Doesn't cost me to be nice

But nothing gets you nothing

Everything has got a little price

Master of the house keeper of the zoo

Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two

Watering the wine making up the weight

Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight

Everybody loves a landlord

Everybody's bosom friend

I do whatever pleases

Jesus Won't I bleed 'em in the end

Master of the house quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby to pass him by

Servant to the poor butler to the great

Comforter philosopher and lifelong mate

Everybody's boon companion

Everybody's chaperone

But lock up your valises

Jesus Won't I skin you to the bone

Enter Monsieur lay down your load

Unlace your boots rest from the road

This weighs a ton travel's a curse

But here we strive to lighten your purse

Here the goose is cooked

Here the fat is fried

And nothing's overlooked

Till I'm satisfied

Food beyond compare Food beyond belief

Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef

Kidney of a horse liver of a cat

Filling up the sausages with this and that

Residents are more than welcome

Bridal suite is occupied

Reasonable charges

Plus some little extras on the side

Charge 'em for the lice extra for the mice

Two percent for looking in the mirror twice

Here a little slice there a little cut

Three percent for sleeping with the window shut

When it comes to fixing prices

There are a lot of tricks he knows

How it all increases all them bits and pieces

Jesus It's amazing how it grows

Master of the house quick to catch yer eye

Never wants a passerby to pass him by

Servant to the poor butler to the great

Comforter philosopher and lifelong mate

Everybody's boon companion

Gives 'em everything he's got

Dirty bunch of geezers

Jesus What a sorry little lot

I used to dream that I would meet a prince

But God and Almighty have you seen what's happened since

Master of the house Isn't worth me spit

`Comforter philosopher' and lifelong sh*t

Cunning little brain regular Voltaire

Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there

What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse

God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house

Master of the house

Master and a half

Comforter philosopher

Ah don't make me laugh

Servant to the poor butler to the great

Hypocrite and toady and inebriate

Everybody bless the landlord

Everybody bless his spouse

Everybody raise a glass

Raise it up the master's arse

Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House