Catcliffe Shakedown (demo previously unreleased)

Straight down the parkway follow your nose

To a place where nobody wants to go

It's a fare and a half they're having a larf

Everybody's broken or they're a dwarf

Pierrot mirror on the wall who is the ace est of them all

The catcliffe girl who gets out before her 18th birthday

There's a little old man by the side of the road

Just where he came from nobody knows

He's so picturesque a physical wreck

A dirty old bloke with no self respect

Ow

Oh god

You'd better leave town

Before you get caught in the catcliffe shakedown

Yeah

It's a step to the left a step to the right

You do the catcliffe Shakedown with all of your might

Oh baby shakedown

Pudgy 12 year olds in Union Jack shorts addicted to

Coffee whitener and frankfurters

And those boys who said Hey mister we just want your car

Cause we're taking a girl to the reservoir are outside the pub

Fine figures of men exercising and dieting just doesn't suit them

Have a meal in a glass

We're having a laugh

Just come over here and your face we will smash

Oh

Oh god

You'd better leave town

Before you get caught in the catcliffe shakedown

Yeah

Shakedown

Shakedown

Shakedown

Oh no it's not that bad really

Not if you've been living in Bosnia for the last year

Home brew is still big news round these parts

No airing cupboard should be without it

They were going to open an airport can you imagine it

Whilst in the area why not stock up

On string or try some of our duty free Parkin

Oh yeah

Let's go

See the rainbow high above the viaduct

Glowing with all the colours of a bottle of spilt milk

Oh it's so beautiful but I don't know what it means

Oh rainbow high above what exactly are you advertising

And our idea of sophisticated humour is setting fire

To our farts with disposable lighters

Why not try our delicious lager

Style drink with a chocolate flavoured candy covered biscuit

Look at those buttercups over there mummy

Hold one under your chin

What's butter mummy

Oh it's just a different make of margarine

See the rainbow high above the viaduct

Glowing with all the colours of a bottle of spilt milk

Oh it's so beautiful but I don't know what it means

Oh rainbow high above what exactly are you advertising

The film now cuts to reveal who is watching this docudrama

A middle class couple sit in wonder as the titles roll

All nicotine stains and beer bellies in this programme were real

But upstairs in his room

Amongst the airfix planes is a small boy

He sits in the dark

Listening for the sound of the train that crosses

The viaduct at four o'clock every morning

The train that carries the dismembered remains

The dismembered remains of matchstick matchstick cats and dogs

And it's coming and it's coming coming

Oh yeah

What you looking at

I don't know label's fell off

I'm going aht

Am I so beautiful you can't stop looking at me

Am I so beautiful

You don't scare me

I'll take you all on

You and whose army

Me me and my fisty

Catcliffe you don't intimidate me

Your Parkway and your shopping centre

Your Panda Pops and pottery

Your motorway junction

Overwhelming stench of failure

Lives that never left first base

Stunted by vapours from the cooling towers

And I will do everything in my power to get way from you

Oh yeah