Alaska Thunderfuck

In March of 1966 an unidentified spacecraft crash landed in the Matanuska Valley in the south-central region of Alaska. Officials of the US government were able to recover one lifeform from the crash-- a highly radioactive and severely disfigured alien being of unknown species who identified her/itself as Alaska Thunderfuck 5000. While no signs of food or water or other forms of sustenance were found onboard the spacecraft, an Elmer's gluestick, a can of Tab energy drink, and a 1972 copy of Vanity Fair magazine were the only items recovered from the smoldering wreckage. After being examined and studied by officials of the US government, the genderless and sexless being was held captive against her will in a top secret research facility in Alaska, before making a daring escape sometime in the mid 1980s. "She must have slipped out while I was in the john," explained the night watchman. The Thunderfuck being has been on the loose ever since, and remains on the run from government officials. Her attempts to maintain a low profile have been mostly successful, posing as a female-impersonator/drag queen/human being, performing acts of filth and depravity in gay bars, gin joints, and transsexual hideouts across the nation. Her status as renegade extra terrestrial has garnered her some notoriety among homosexuals, transients, and other drug-addled drifter types, and there is even rumoured to be a strain of marijuana named after her. While Thunderfuck hides behind a thin veil of camp and light-hearted frivolity, she remains highly dangerous and is not to be trusted. Her effusive radiation has caused cancer in lab rats, and many of the guards assigned to her watch suffered from various ailments ranging from rectal bleeding and irritable bowel to insomnia and hysterical pregnancy. If you or anyone you know have any information as to the whereabouts of this rare and dangerous being, please dial 1-800-THUNDERFUCK immediately.