Salty Seamen (Explicit)

Oi, girls and boys and others, gird your loins you buggers

As I tell a story that'll appall the naughtiest of mothers

Get a load of this, you lubbers, here's what happens at sea

Though it hasn't been screened, for factual accuracy

They don't call me Captain Blue Balls due to testicular torsion

Although my quest for fortune's twisted with my sexual organs

I'm a legendary swordsman, never rest until I get me portion

And I suggest when you address me you use every caution

Or I'll have to let you pick which of your bloody legs be shortened

I recommend the middle one, would give the best proportion

Now set the course, head for better shores, and rest assured

I'll blow the man down, like a wind coming from west to north

Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah

We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming

We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger

Blunder bussing a filthy load of salty seamen

Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah

Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason

We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger

Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen

Nobody knows how many ho's I've heaved, loads

I leave broken hearts and swollen ovaries whence I sow my seeds

Both at home on Dover beaches to far reaches overseas

And I don't believe I've ever even done it soberly

You can find me at the dock carousing, to the crack o' dawn

Cock a doodle doo, that cock's arousing you round the horn

We sail, leaving chaos in our wake, trails of jetsam, flotsam

Be warned, it's pouring up ahead fellas, get the coxswain

I haven't got any trousers on, bring me a pair of bottoms

It gets so hot in the poop deck I don't wear 'em often

We get robbing and covered in sweat, sodden

Every available man, come on the deck, swab 'em

Or I'll grab my Cat o' Nine Tails, tie 'em up and flog 'em

If the sea dog's naughty, then I'll shove another knot in

'Til he's singing like a nightingale, feeling like a knife impaled him

It's the kind of tale that happens every time we pirates sail

Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah

We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming

We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger

Blunder bussing a filthy load of salty seamen

Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah

Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason

We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger

Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen

Avast! What's that across the horizon?

A vast mass of rugged rock is arising

Full of swollen bulging veins, imagine all the ores on that

Grab the oars, we'll have to drill a shaft, and fill up all her cracks

I'm bringing a massive swinging sack of big cannonballs

And I'm still considering in which hole to ram 'em all

Getting my hands on your booty is my true calling

X marks the spot, I'm gonna thrust my tool in

I meat a whaler that was out looking for sperm

Harpooned him in the blowhole, split him from stem to stern

I leave your timbers shivered, rearrange your guts

When I stick my dussack in your gizzards, see you later, nuts!

No cutlass needed to leave cut lads screaming

Orifices leaking body fluids, is he bleeding?

Whatever it is, he's feeling sore in every region

Got a problem with it? Well excuse me for breathing

Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah

We got a lot of qualities, none of them redeeming

We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger

Blunder bussing a filthy load of salty seamen

Heave! Ho! We love to parley hard, yeah

Commit appalling acts of raw debauchery and treason

We! Know! That we love a Jolly Roger

Until your junk is flooded with salty seamen