Why Can't the English?

Why Can't the English? - Rex Harrison

Look at her a prisoner of the gutter

Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered

By right she should be taken out and hung

For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue

Heaven's What a noise

This is what the British population

Calls an elementary education

Counsel I think you picked a poor example

Did I

Hear them down in Soho square

Dropping his everywhere

Speaking English anyway they like

You sir did you go to school

Wadaya like me for a fool

No one taught him take instead of like

Hear a Yorkshireman or worse

Hear a Cornishman converse

I'd rather hear a quite singing flat

Chickens cackling in a barn

Just like this one

I ask you sir

What sort of word is that

It's Aoooow and Garn

That keep her in her place

Not her wretched clothes and dirty face

Why can't the English teach

Their children how to speak

This verbal class distinction

By now should be antique

If you spoke as she does

Sir instead of the way you do

Why you might be selling flowers too

An Englishman's way of

Speaking absolutely classifies him

The moment he talks he makes some other

Englishman despise him

One common language

I'm afraid we'll never get

Oh why can't the English learn to set

A good example to people whose

English is painful to your ears

The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears

There even are places

Where English completely

Disappears

In America

They haven't used it for years

Why can't the English teach

Their children how to speak

Norwegians learn Norwegian

The Greeks have taught their Greek

In France every Frenchman knows

His language made to Zed

The French never care what they do actually

As long as they pronounce in properly

Arabians learn Arabian

With the speed of summer lightning

And Hebrews learn it backwards

Which is absolutely frightening

But use proper English

You're regarded as a freak

Why can't the English

Why can't the English learn to speak