Holding On To Smoke (Explicit)

I'm tired of feeling comatose

I've lost the me that I loved most

I'm barely holding onto smoke

I'm barely holding on to smoke

I'm not addicted but I'm not clean

Why do I do this to myself on repeat

So disconnected from my own reality

Am I man or machine

If I give will you take

As I lie for the taste

I just ****it up

As you lap it up

Through flesh and bone

I walk alone

If I run will I fade away

'Cause I don't wanna leave it behind

In all my pride all my shame

I find strength enough to show you

I may bend but I won't break

'Cause I define who I

Define who I become

I miss the me that I have not met

Choking in silence on the words left unsaid

I feel a sickness for a home I've never been

And I exist in black and white but now I'm seeing red

I built a shelter in complacency

Locked myself in and set fire

And threw away the key

Too scared to live but I'm afraid to die

So am I living or am I just alive

In all my pride all my shame

I find strength enough to show you

I may bend but I won't break

I define who I who I become

'Cause I'm tired of feeling comatose

I've lost the me that I loved most

I'm barely holding on to smoke

But I'm holding on I'm holding on

Broken I'm holding on

Driven To right the wrong

Silent Connected yet I feel so separated

Fallen Through flesh and bone

Frozen I stand alone

Deafened In silence the voice remains

Behind my eyes beneath my rage

I was struggling to get through

Out of time and out of faith

I define who I become

In all my pride all my shame

I find strength enough to show you

I may bend but I won't break

'Cause I define who I

Define who I become

'Cause I'm tired of feeling comatose

I've lost the me that I loved most

I'm barely holding on to smoke

But I'm holding on I'm holding on

I'm tired of being human tired of being numb

I'm waiting for the holy ghost to come

So save me from the webs that I have spun

I'm holding on holding on

I'm holding on

Holding on to smoke