You Need an Analyst (Album Version)

You Need an Analyst (Album) - Allan Sherman

If you're always stealing goodies

From a big department store

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If your pocket's full of little things

You've never owned before

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If somebody says

"Good Morning" and politely tips his hat

And you frown and say

"I wonder what he really meant by that"

If you're walking down the sidewalk

And you won't step on a crack

You're afraid if you step on a crack

You'll break your mother's back

If you're at the philharmonic

And you start to do the twist

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

You need an analyst you need an analyst

We really must insist that you see an analyst

If you're freezing

Or you're sweating from imaginary ills

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If it takes an IBM machine to classify your pills

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If you tiptoe into bed

And you're as quiet as a mouse

But the bed you tiptoe into is in someone else's house

If you have a brand new raincoat

And of it you're very fond

In fact

You'd rather be alone with it than with a blond

If you wear your wristwatch on your feet

And stockings on your wrist

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

You need an analyst you need an analyst

We really must insist that you see an analyst

If you're always tearing paper into teeny weeny bits

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If you've got a secret closet full of pomegranate pits

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If they ask you

What your name is and you answer Bonaparte

If you dig those daffy doodles

That are known as modern art

If you're walking down the street

And then you stop to tie your shoes

And you tie them to each other

As you hum Saint Louis blues

Or if you're forty-six years old

And never have been kissed

Go kiss an analyst a psychoanalyst

Go kiss an analyst go kiss an analyst

We really must insist that you kiss an analyst

If you're always having arguments

When no one else is there

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

And whenever you are angry if you kick your teddy bear

You need an analyst a psychoanalyst

If you dream you've got a purple dragon

Next to you in bed

And you wake up

And your dragon isn't purple it is red

If you eat those little prizes

And you save the crackerjacks

If you really think

They're ever gonna cut the income tax

You need an analyst

You need I need

He needs we need

Everybody needs an analyst